Accidents... they happen

Today I had a little accident. I was pulling into a parking space at Denny's and I miss judged the distance and I ended up putting a smallish, but notice able dent in a woman's car and broke part of the light covering. I was so shook up, I felt like a complete idiot. My aunt was with me, helping guide me through it. The lady who's car I dented was shaken up a bit too, she had a friend helping her too. After I gave her my information, I just wanted to get in my car and go some where else. I had to work in an hour, I wanted to call in sick, go crawl in bed and wallow in my extremely minor accident. The woman seemed to be doing better with it then me.

Guilt, I think is the point of this posting. Going into the restaurant I walked in with the woman and her family and friend. I felt so awkward and ashamed. My cousins had already gotten a table and I wanted to see if we could give this woman and her family our table but I was still just guilt ridden and wanted to do anything to know that it all really was OKAY. As I was driving to work I was thinking maybe I could also offer free baby sitting, but then I thought maybe I'm over thinking this.

Forgiveness is the other part of this post, while the lady was telling me it's okay, be careful next time; I couldn't help but doubt her sincerity. That is how deep my guilt runs, to the point that I have difficulty forgiving myself for a minor dent. Had it been my car, I would have just let it go, maybe just ask the person for some money.

Before eating we prayed and my aunt asked God to be in this situation and to give me the strength to get through the day. I believe that our God is a forgiving God, sometimes more forgiving than we are of our selves. We are always worried about the judgments of others, but the judgments we place on ourselves can be even more of a burden to us. While we cannot disregard the judgments of others altogether we have to keep life in perspective, in the end the final judge is God. He knows our hearts.

Our actions should be driven by guilt, but rather by the knowledge and belief that what we are doing is the right thing, that it is what God would want us to do. We should approach things with a humble heart, not a guilty one.

A new path

Sunday night of this week I was laying in bed crying and just morning the loss or change in my life. While the move that I am making is of my own free will (hopefully God's will above all), it is still hard to leave home. While I know that I will be starting a new home, it is still sad to say good-bye. I would like to say that my sense of "normal" is changing it really isn't changing as drastically as I had thought. I will not see my family and friends as often as I did when I was in college, nor will it be as easy to see them.

But I hope that this is God's way of helping me to grow and develop stronger relationships with my family.

Graduation and the start of a new family are to be happy times of one's life. However the fear and anxiety regarding the uncertainty of the future leaves me to have trouble falling asleep at night. I know that these are the times that I should be praying more, yet I have difficulty making time for quiet and prayer. I need to come up with a schedule for myself. I know that it is during these times of change in our lives when we are to draw closer to God. The question that I have is why is it hard for us to make the time for God even though we desire it?

LENT

For as long as I can remember Lent and or Easter has been my favorite liturgical season. I'm not sure if it's the music or that it's close to my birthday; it's probably because I find it to be a time of healing. Lent is the start of my new year. Lent is another time of preparation, but in a different way. We are no longer waiting for Jesus, rather we are walking with him while he is preparing for a change in his and in ours. This is a time of drawing closer to God and realizing what is standing in our way of deepening our relationship with the Creator. The stigma with Lent is that we give up something so that through our suffering we might grow closer to God or to be in solidarity with Jesus. People often remember to give something up but they don't always think about the why. The best advice I've ever heard "giving something up" is that we should think of it as "What are you going to do in order to grow in your relationship with God.

So if you are in the practice of giving something up, think about why you are going to giving something up and how will that benefit your spiritual journey.

Preparation

Well, what better time to start writing than during Christmas, which in my opinion is is like the start of a new year and how convenient that it is so close to the new year. To be honest I have always been more for Easter, probably because there is not as much pressure put on it, in terms of gif giving. After all these years, I am wonder what it would be like to have a Christmas without presents? Something to think about.

This advent season, the idea of preparing has "been on my heart" as some say. And as I start to prepare for another chapter in my life (graduating college, moving away from home, and getting married), the concept of preparation is becoming louder than ever before. I was hoping to treat this advent like lent and try to do something to bring myself closer to God. As much as I don't believe I was successful in my mission, I think I was. Where I find my success in fulfilling this desire is that I have reminded myself of the things that I already do. While I know that I need to not be so hard on myself about not being a "by the book" or "conventional" sort of person, I do well and work hard to live like I think Jesus would want me too.

A friend of mine gave me a book, that has a prayer/reading for each day and the one for today is about peace. I think peace is something that we are all looking for in our lives. I think we all have peace when we take the time to recognize it. We can think that the world is falling apart all around us but inside our souls are not altered by the turbulence around us. God grants us peace through the grace he gives us. We can have this grace/peace by simply accepting it. However, sadly, it is not as simple as we might like, right? It is all so much easier said than done. So the thought for today is, how do we accept this grace and allow for ourselves to be at peace in the Creator?